


Only the Young Can Break Away

by The_Shy_One



Series: It's Gonna Hurt Sometimes [1]
Category: The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Asexual Character, Asexual Din Djarin, Break Up, Drabble, Gray-Asexuality, Implied Sexual Content, Inspired by Music, M/M, Mental Anguish, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:20:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22323220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Shy_One/pseuds/The_Shy_One
Summary: In the dead of night, Paz thinks of better times that he had with Dyn and why they had to end.
Relationships: The Mandalorian (The Mandalorian TV)/Paz Vizla
Series: It's Gonna Hurt Sometimes [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1629427
Comments: 5
Kudos: 71





	Only the Young Can Break Away

Memories of the past were a haunting thing. It always flickers long after being extinguished and only exists to remind that, yes, that did happen despite feeling it came from so long ago. It was a strong thing, something that could control someone if they let it do so. Paz knew this fact so well and yet, couldn’t help hold onto those memories.

It was a torture in itself, something that he chose to do to himself. He always denied when asked, but on the nights he laid alone in his bunk, drifting towards those memories, he could only reluctantly admit to him that is what he was doing. 

The worst was the dreams that crept upon him in his sleep. It was of happy memories of the past that Paz had that he wished he could relive again. Dyn laughing and teasing him over something that was never specified in the dreams, but that never mattered to Paz. He was happy that his cyar’ika was happy, enjoying their time together when asleep.

There were other scenes in his dreams such as when Dyn had pleasured him, touch him in a way that no other in the clan had before, bringing him to completion. Paz knew after certain attempts to return that for his cyar’ika that Dyn didn’t find the same pleasure as he did in such acts. And he understood and respected that about Dyn. But the rare moments where the other Mandalorian did want Paz to do what Dyn always did for him were treasured, hoarded in his mind.

But waking from those dreams always made him guilty, knowing he shouldn’t have those thoughts or memories so long after they occurred. Paz knew from the way the other man interacted with him that Dyn wouldn’t be pleased. Dyn was never the sort to cling onto something, even something as intangible as memories. 

Perhaps it had to do with over the years, he continued to lose clarity of his life before the Death Watch had rescued him. Dyn never spoke about that much, not even to Paz when they were together. He just kept it to himself, locking it away from any prying eyes and smudging touches, almost as if he were afraid it would be tainted by other’s interpretation on that part of his life. It was a sad thought when pondered that Dyn resisted sharing that even to a partner.

But maybe Paz shouldn’t judge, he wasn’t in Dyn’s head after all. He couldn’t accurately understand why the other man did the things he does, just know that they happened.

This line of thought brings him to the end of their relationship. Dyn had decided during one of the bounties he had with his buir that they shouldn’t be together anymore. No explanation beyond that and Paz was left standing in a hallway, looking at the smaller man in bewilderment as he walked away. He didn’t know how Dyn felt about the breakup, the beskar helmet covering the other man’s expression.

It hurts to not know what Dyn was feeling. That it looked so easy to say what was between them was over. That Paz wasn’t given a single good reason as to why Dyn did that in the hallway rather than somewhere more private.

It was just a bunch of hurt and confusion that Paz had to wrap up neatly and push behind a closed door in his mind to keep drama from bubbling between them.

Which leads to why he only held on to the happy memories between them in the dead of night. Why he pondered only to himself why Dyn had ended it the way he did.

A sigh, tired and drained from treading down the same line of thought. Paz rolled over, pressing a pillow to his face, willing himself to not tear up, to not cry over an event that occurred so many years ago. He had no right, not when Dyn clearly stated after the breakup with the cold shoulder and taking more and more time for bounties that it couldn’t be rekindled.

Paz shouldn’t give himself hope, the insanity of hoping for something to happen between them again. They were over and that was that. No use in giving himself delusional thoughts that there could be anything beyond that.

And yet.

And yet, he always found himself during the night, both awake and asleep, remembering the good times and wondering why it had to end. It was torture, self-inflicted and he couldn’t stop himself. A desperate wondering if things could be rekindled between them that the flame they once had, that it hadn’t been completely smothered.

Forcefully pressing his face into the pillow, Paz still felt a few tears slip from his eyes. He didn’t acknowledge them, he just continued to press into the pillow. As if that would stop his circling thoughts and unwanted reactions from happening.

He didn’t know how long that went on for, just knew that it was long enough to fall asleep. He heard the familiar laughter from Dyn and the beautiful sight of the other Mandalorian training across the way when things were brighter and happier between them. Things that could only be in his dreams.

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired by the song, Only the Young by Brandon Flowers to write this angst-filled fic so I could purge myself of the song from my head. I can't stop listening to repeat, so this is the end result for listening to it so much and letting myself drift in my thoughts of what I could write based on the song. So blame me entirely for finding this song and becoming hooked on it lol.
> 
> But I was interested in doing an ex's fic for these two since it's within the realm of possibilities and I wanted to explore that a bit. I just found it more interesting to do it from Paz's pov since I feel he would be lost/confused about why Dyn would break up a seemingly good thing, but respect that decision. (Until he sees what Dyn brings back in Episode three and just unleashes all those bottled feelings.)
> 
> Anyway, hopefully that was a good short angst fic to read! :D


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